Rant

I have been struggling with myself recently. I think that it all boils down to the fact that I am just not happy with my job. I want to do something that I enjoy not just something that I am good at. I am tired of feeling like a monkey and being treated like one. I want substance, I want accomplishment. Why does happiness not pay off though??? I get home and all I want to do is sleep and I could I am actually mentally worn out. I try to clean or work on something and I just can't focus and then I want to scream. It is totally effecting "married life" now and that sucks but what can you do at least he understands. what makes this go away??? at least I still have humor I kept playing the mime fron cirque de soliel that pulls his guts out when he dies to Bobby last night then crashed and got cuddled as I cried.